My husband’s sister is ruining our long-planned family vacation with my in-laws. We had a full week planned at the beach, and now, “since we’ll all be there,” she’s throwing in a beachside wedding mid-week. Now our vacation is about her. To be clear, my husband is equally furious with his sister. Moreover, nobody is comfortable with her hubby-to-be. He left her four weeks ago, but now they’re going to get married in six weeks. This is his M.O: if there is a conflict, he picks up and takes off and has done this about twice a year for the past four years that they’ve lived together. I feel someone needs to stop this train wreck. I had a bad first marriage and wish someone had talked to me before I made that mistake. Should I talk to her? -- Conflicted
Dear Conflicted,
If you talk to her, make certain it is about her and not the ruin of your vacation. If no one intervened immediately about that plan, it is too late now to stop the wedding planning during your seaside escape.
Even with many, many reasons you may see to stop the love train, stepping in could permanently damage your relationship with your sister-in-law. She may decide to go ahead, but you will forever be the one who didn’t support her and tried to save your vacation at her expense. Ask yourself if you would have listened to anyone, had they expressed their reservations about your first husband just weeks before your wedding.
Good luck!
Rekha
Dear Conflicted,
What a nightmare! And it really is a nightmare—like that kind where you see danger coming and you scream but your voice doesn’t work or you run and your legs don’t move?
Don’t scream. Don’t move. You’ll wake up soon…. With a sun-kissed glow!
Easier said than done, I know, but here’s the thing. Your sister-in-law has been dating a dork for four years now, endured heartbreak at least eight times by your count, and her family hasn’t yet stepped in to say, “Is this really the guy for you?” That’s probably because—at least in part—your sister-in-law is a grown woman entitled to make her own choices.
You too, are a grown woman, entitled to a nice vacation that you’ve planned for—one without drama and only relaxation. So have it. A midweek beach wedding sounds like a casual, laid back affair… maybe some extra people, but you weren’t going to be on a private beach, anyway, right?
You and your husband can have a little commitment ceremony of your own right before that wedding—commit to enjoying yourselves, no matter what the vacation becomes. Don’t let it be about her. Make it about the sand between your toes.
And wear sunscreen!
Renu
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